11 April 2009

in between

today is the day they waited

today is the day they longed

weeped unceasingly


probably doubted

sat together in silence

in awe

maybe in fear

appalled at Him

his image burned in their minds eye from the night before

his appearance was so disfigured, beyond that of any man

and his form marred beyond human likeness

not just any man

but their greatest friend

not any friend

but the friend who was God and became man

a man that became a brother, a father,  and a lover to humanity

today they waited

today they longed

to see him raised

lifted up and highly exalted

they knew it was the Lord's will to crush him

and cause him to suffer

they knew he was crushed for their iniquities

the punishment that brought them peace was upon him

and by his wombs they were healed

but today,

today they waited in darkness and unfathomable sadness

to see the promise of yesterday come to fruition tomorrow morn

can you imagine the pain of waiting they must have experienced?

...if yesterday we died with Christ, then today we were buried with him.

today is the day of longing, of deep anticipation

yesterday i wanted to strive to feel the weight of His death, of my death

the death of me, of my sin, of my emptiness, of my unworthiness, of my loneliness

today i want to experience the longing of our rebirth, of new life

the waiting

the wondering

the in between

the pain of not knowing, but somehow believing

today, i ask for my faith to increase

03 April 2009


How is it April 3rd ? Anyone else asking that question…

It is hard to retrace my steps since I posted the crazy pics of driving for days hours from Texas to D.C.

I want so badly to stay connected with my friends and family back home and unfortunately that desire is not met with the right amount of effort in order for it to be fulfilled. I want to will work harder on this.

Forewarning: this post is going to be really random, I can already tell.

For starters, a quick life update is as follows...

From 8:30-5:30 I spend my time as the Receptionist/Administrative Asst., or the “gatekeeper/nucleus”, as some refer to me as, at International Justice Mission. It has and continues to be a grand learning experience. I don’t know how other people think inside their heads, but inside my head I don’t think I ever had an image conjured up of what I would be doing after I finished (really?stillindenial) undergrad. However, I can somehow say with great certainty that I never imagined that I would be living where I am and doing what I am doing. I say that with both wonderful amazement and hints of disappointments. Words could not express and I, myself, admittedly do not fully comprehend how my time at IJM has forever shaped me and changed me. I get the privilege to wake up every morning and go to work with people who love God. Love him wholeheartedly. I daily stand amazed at our staff in D.C. and around the world who commit their life in full service to Christ, who make unbelievable sacrifices, who encourage me to be kind and gentle and joyful in all circumstances, who remind me that God is faithful and trustworthy…I am awakening to a refreshed sense of who my Father is through the work that we do at IJM.

I am praying about what is next. Last night at foxhole’s (mi casa) roommate prayer night, I begged my roommates to pray for me. If I could explain “where I am”… I am walking in a fog. Key word being: walking. I haven’t fallen and broken my leg yet; however, that day might be quickly approaching. I am taking one step at a time and though the fog has not lifted I am not standing still (which is progress from a few weeks days hours ago). Please pray with me. As much as I would love to see clearly what will happen in two months or two years—don’t pray for that. I am pleading with God that I know He is with me and that in the midst of all the haziness that I will feel His presence. That’s what I long for. Pray for that. [Confession: If I were really honest with myself, I kinda like the unknown. I think I thrive on the times in my life when I felt completely blindfolded and God guided me to really random places, really good places. It is in the times that I am clueless and am forced to thrust all my faith in God that I feel most alive—that I feel the greatest joy. Funny that I run from that so often. Oh flesh, I hate you]

moving on…

I feel at home here. It feels weird to type that. It’s a very true statement, but again, I would have never imagined myself saying that. The biggest reason D.C. has become a home to be is my Church. I LOVE my church. I can’t go into great detail right now, but I saying that I have been abundantly blessed is an understatement. God has placed me in a community of believers who have wrapped me in their arms and I feel a part. I feel needed and wanted. God is teaching me pounds and pounds of Himself...it's getting a little too heavy--but I want more and more. I get giddy on Wednesday's because I am so excited for home group that night. Sunday mornings could not come often enough...

I am also excited because I feel that God has been tugging at my heart in certain areas and am exploring how to best serve my community here...

Just to share a bit...

My community here is so integrated and involved in the lives of so many in D.C. I LOVE IT! Concerning local missions my church has formed a non-profit org. over the years called "CareComany". Care Company's mission is to express the unity of the Body of Christ by demonstrating God's love and justice through Christ Jesus to those struggling with poverty in Washington, DC. We seek to mobilize and provide resources for churches and individuals with serving the Lord and love our neighbors in the city. It is through connecting the community, service organizations, and local churches that a more cohesive ministry will be developed to the glory of God and the transformation of the city. The Kingdom of God is already at work in Washington, DC. Our goal is not to create something new, but to help provide a greater strength in our service by uniting our ideas, resources, and efforts.

(Isn't that incredible?)

To get excited even more, my church has formed another nonprofit to concentrate on international missions called The Anticoch Group (TAG). TAG exists to create a communal culture that is defined not only by its institutional or demoninational life but by its missional life; not only by how it satisfies the needs of its members but how it serves the needs of others, particularly the poor and the persecuted; not only by what it asks member to do for the church missions programs, but by what it asks members we can do to help them to realize their personal vision and mission for the stewardship of their lives and resources for God’s world.We want to be a community like Antioch whose ecclesiology (what we are as a church) will be shaped and determined by our missiology (how we serve God’s world).


Needless to say, I am thrilled to be in the community I am in. I am learning so so much.

Other news?

I am a snowboarder. Yep, you read that right. For the first time in my life I traveled to the mountain and got on a board. You better believe I buttered that slope. (translation: I gracefully slid from side to side down the mountain~) A group of about 18 people from my church flew up to Maine and stayed at one of our friends cabins tucked away in the mountains. It was breathtakingly beautiful. I have never seen so much snow. This Texas girl was memorized at the window every morning. The best thing about the entire experience was the people I was surrounded by. We didn't really know anyone that well before we went. (which my enthusiastically extroverted self was entirely thrilled about!) As the weekend unfolded I began to see the body of Christ so clearly. It was as if God had given me 3 marvelous days away. Away from the city, away from my job, away from the norm--to experience an little taste of His extra-ordinary ways. We bonded. We shared. We laughed until we cried (only a few hundred times). We spent the last morning sharing communion with one another and glorifying our maker. It was simple and intimate. I loved every minute of that weekend...

I can't end this post without mentioning last weekend. Last weekend we at International Justice Mission invited people to come join us to pray. To plead with God to come and do what we know he CAN do. We call this the Global Prayer Gathering. People came to pray that our God would defend the orphan, set the captive free, protect the widow, free the slave, restore the weak and vulnerable... To our surprise about 900 people showed up (along with our amazing field office staff). Go here to see some video footage: http://www.ijminstitute.org/index.php/gpglive

ahhh I want to share much more about the GPG. An entire post dedicated to that coming up soon...

the bed is calling my name.

with all my love from d.c.,