finding things.

i have found my way around across the 11 streets between my new apartment and my new place of intern. It seems that every day the walk gets shorter, perhaps i just leave later and therefore walk faster…I'm not quite sure. Regardless, it has been my walk for 10 days now. My walk that makes me feel too many things all at once. i leave an apartment full of 6 girls crazily getting reading in only 2 bathrooms, trying on clothes, sharing suit jackets, waiting turns to brush our teeth, and somehow finding the time to pack a lunch. Then i run out the door, step over the entrance into our elevator, and am suddenly forced into silence; however, i quickly find the exit into the street that welcomes me back into the business. i find myself watching the people wondering where they are going or why they look so dressed up...then i realize they are most likely thinking the same things about me.

i have found the closest harris teeters approximately 1 mile away, but then found the closest Trader Joes at 3 miles away. bummer. TJs is entirely too cute (anna you would want to live there) of course i have found the market by metro and have traveled there the past 3 weekends. i think it has begun to satisfy my need to feel as if i belong here. i miss the good ole CS coffee shops that you walk into and feel like you own the chair in the corner with the cute little table because you've been there so many times. the sweet gardener that sells me fresh green beans and squash has become a much needed familiar face. somehow the market is the place i've picked to become my own, not to mention it's blueberry pancakes call my name every saturday morning...

i have found that panty hose rip a lot more often than you would first guess, and that blisters are common place here.

i have found a community of believers that have welcomed me and given me a taste of home. it really has only been a few short weeks away but without my closest brothers and sisters it can easily start to feel like an eternity. i have found my heart begin to flutter again on sunday mornings with excitement to be surrounded by family. although, i am abundantly blessed to find this family in the eyes of each face at work as well. i walk in between grayish white cubicles and find that even though we don't know each other--we share a common love, a common dream, a common passion.

i have found that the people who fill the chairs on intern row are people who i can not wait to know more and learn more from.

i am told that this is a perfect time to "find yourself". the quote of the century. "Oh emily, this is such a great time to find yourself." :) no, it doesn't frustrate me to hear that, it just makes me ponder what that phrase means exactly--or when i will be able to answer that comment with, "yes, this is a great time to find myself, actually i found her last week and now we know each other quite well."

i don't know if i have found my 'self' just yet (still holding my breath). i don't even know how i will know when i find her. i have, however, found that i'm terribly bad at answering the question of who i am or what i want to 'do'/'be' or what i am passionate about. i really dislike that i am finding it hard to describe me. 'me' is changing.

"Therefore, my dear Sir, I could give you no advice but this: to go into yourself and to explore the depths whence your life wells forth; at its source you will find the answer to the question whether you must create." Rainer Maria Rilke