sit with me and tell me once again...

"..gratitude is so central to the life God made us for. Until we can center ourselves on what we do have, on what God has given us, onthe life we do get to live, we'll constantly be looking for another life. That is why the word 'remember' occurs again and again in the Bible. God commands his people to remember who they are, where they've been, what they've seen, what's been done for them. If we stop remembering, we may forget. And that's when the trouble comes." --rob bell (sex god)

[Excerpt from our Romanian blog last Christmas.]

Our "romanian" story is a hard one to explain.

Sometimes when I sit down with people and talk with them about it I honestly don't have the words to describe or somehow relay to them what the trip is all about.

I suppose it is because Jenn and I honestly don't know…

Psalm 139:6 --“such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.”

The planning of this trip has taught me a lot about humility. I am left on my knees. I can’t count the amount of times I have had to throw my hands up and realize that my finite mind, my stupid agenda, my selfish desire—it all crumbles when compared to Him.

His plan.

His glory.

How dare I throw at Him these things, whining that I don’t grasp what He is doing and then demand He show me exactly what he is doing--before I take the step he has already asked me to take…

Faith is hard.

Not understanding is hard. Not seeing the big picture is hard.

Trusting that theLord knows what he is doing, regardless of how I feel--- is hard.

But it is beautiful. It is beautiful to see how the Lord gently pursues me, disciplines me, and refines me. He knows I get frustrated when I don’t “see” what is going on, He knows that makes me uncomfortable—yet He has asked me to jump in every facet of my life....

Without knowing what is at the bottom

Without knowing when he is going to catch me

But having faith that in his timing-- He will.

So, here we are. Jenn and I are boarding a plan on December 27th at 10:30 p.m. God has handed us this amazing opportunity to go for two weeks, to immerse ourselves in a world so unlike ours, to see children who have nothing, to encourage the believers there who love them every day, to rip off the lenses that we have always looked at the world through and attempt to see it a different way.

I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that that was me one year ago…

I went back and re-read our whole Romanian blog.

There is nothing short of amazing and odd and incredible and really just plain crazy that the Lord has done in the past year.

I had never ever thought about Romania before last fall. Probably couldn’t have even pointed it out on a map. That trip was never on my agenda. Never etched in my planner. It just happened. Really. One day I met Jenn in class and the next thing I know I’m buying plane tickets to Romania? And I flew back this summer by myself!?! really?

My God is so spontaneous. Just crazy. That is one thing I love about our Creator is I never know what is going to happen next—I can never think as high as he is.

It drives me crazy.

the ‘not-knowing’ (not much has changed in that area...)

But, honestly would I ever really want to live another way?

It invigorates me when I feel a dream in my heart and I don’t know why, or how, or where, or when…

I’ll be the first to admit that I struggle terribly with worry and fear and doubt…But even now while I have been struggling more recently than in a long time.

I look back.

And it is so obvious. He was in front of me and behind me this entire past year embodying Alpha and Omega

Psalm 139: 4-7

For there is not a word in my tongue [still unuttered], but, behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. You have beset me and shut me in--behind and before, and You have laid Your hand upon me. Your [infinite] knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high above me, I cannot reach it. Where could I go from Your Spirit? Or where could I flee from Your presence?

the thing is.

I DON'T know.

I have to swallow that His infinite knowledge is too wonderful for me—I can’t grasp it.

The first song we learned there, likely that it is not spelt correctly
"Dumnezeu e taria mea

Adapost pentru sufpetup meu

ajutor cand povara e grea

Dumnezeu le taria mea"

translation: "Our God is an Awesome God He reigns from heaven above with wisdom, power, and love--Our God is an Awesome God!"