i'm less afraid to fail than to never try.

i'm not sure i'm ready to do this.

update, i mean.

i feel like there is so much, but i'm not quite sure how to articulate it all just yet.

i say that i do this for the sake of those who read this (hi mom:)

but, i think (although, i hate to admit it) that writing here is beneficial for me too.

so, cue the music (preferably, this). quick update...

over the past 3 weeks, I:

*stopped working at IJM (international justice mission)
*moved quadrants, i.e. across the city (from SE DC to NE DC)
*started working part-part time at my church with a non-profit, The Antioch Group
*obviously, along the way, became obsessed with parentheticals
*started a neighborhood prayer group (really excited about this!)
*completed 2 wks of my training to become a counselor at Capital Hill Crisis Pregnancy Center
*started my new job called "Emily, wake up and Apply for Jobs (and don't forget to work out or you will get grumpy)".

Ok, yep. that about covers it.

well, in between you should throw in:

*weekend trip to NYC to see margie (=new jewelry:)
*lots of porch talks with my neighbors
*a few flag football games (as a player, not a watcher)
*mornings at the coffee shop with my trusty laptop
*killer house warming partaaay (thanks friends and new hood!) (=ed amazing paintings for our living room & too much pumpkin bread)

it's been great. it's been difficult. to be candid (and to steal from a previous post of mine that still rings true), there are days when I feel very happy and very content in life. Then there are days when I feel uneasy and desirous of everything I am not. I wish I could have a conversation with each of you so that I could more accurately and more honestly explain to you how beautiful, frustrating, simple, intricate, busy, exciting, troubling, painful, peaceful my day to day life truly is. Please don’t believe that my life is without fault and perfectly joyful, and please don’t believe that I am miserable or unsatisfied. I swing, back and forth. I do, however, attempt to pump my legs as hard as I can to swing closer to the joyful side of things.

My pastor said this morning that the trials we go through in life are the exercise room for our faith to be challenged, to change, and to grow. ("Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." james)

i really like that image.

yesterday, my friend mentioned that it seems i'm in a waiting room.

waiting room or gym?

the gym analogy makes me feel a bit more productive, so we'll go with that one.

but i like the waiting room analogy too. i like the image of sitting with people, of having them sit with you, learning about each other, listening to each other and patiently, joyfully living the in between. although, this "in between" feeling i'm experiencing is basically the epitome of what we as believers are called to live forever on this earth, right? we are always in between. we are in between being created in our home and going home to our creator.

so, perhaps, we should just assume to be in the exercise room 24/7, or sit in the waiting room 24/7, i'll let you pick the analogy that makes you most happy :)

well, anyways.

So yes, i'm working out a LOT. (not literally, but figuratively)

(is this post annoying anyone else? we aren't getting anywhere...)

(i'm sorry)

(i'm stopping)

(i'll come back, i promise)

~em